


The Shortest Distance Between Two Points

by dodger_chan



Category: The Umbrella Academy (Comics)
Genre: Period-Typical Homophobia, Reginald Hargreeves' A+ Parenting, this is very comics canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-05
Updated: 2019-11-05
Packaged: 2021-01-23 07:40:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21316576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dodger_chan/pseuds/dodger_chan
Summary: Problems that aren't problems require unconventional solutions.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 17





	The Shortest Distance Between Two Points

**Author's Note:**

> This story uses versions of Allison and Klaus with their comic book powers and comic book personalities. It is set in the comic book timeline, not long before the short story "But the Past Ain't Through With You" and alludes to its premise. I think it should still make sense if you have not read the comics as long as you keep in mind that the events occur in what's probably the late seventies.
> 
> This story does contain anti-gay slurs, nothing worse than used in the comic.

_Psst....Rumor…_  
Allison glanced over at her radio. That had sounded like-  
_Rumor...Allison...I think I'm gonna need your help.._  
“Klaus? You can talk through the radio now? How does that work?” Allison fiddled with the dial until she found a station that wasn't quite in range. Without the music, she could hear Klaus a little better.  
_...I'll explain later... don't have a lot of time... I think Reggie's gonna ask you to rumor me and I really need you not to…_  
“Rumor you? Klaus, what's going on?” It wasn't that their father had never had her use her powers on a sibling before, but it was hardly a typical punishment.  
_...Look, just...if you do this I'll cover for you on patrol for a month... _  
It was an impossible request. If their father told her to rumor Klaus, she couldn't just refuse to do it. Nothing Klaus could do for her could make up for what her father could do to her. On the other hand, an entire month free of patrol would be blissful. If, that is, she could figure out a way to make her father think she had done as asked. Luckily, she was the smart sibling.  
A rapping sound interrupted Allison's thoughts. Abijit's voice was only slightly muffled by the closed door, “Miss Alison, your father requires The Rumor join him in his study immediately.”  
Allison groaned. She hated wearing the mask, but while Allison Hargreeves at home could go without, The Rumor could not. Today was supposed to be a day off. She was going to kill Klaus. After he'd done her patrols for her, of course.

Allison was not surprised Klaus was already in their father's study. He was slouched disdainfully in a chair, one leg dangling over an armrest. He seemed half asleep; a late night out or coming down off something. Both, most likely. He couldn't have picked a worse posture if he were planning on trying to get sympathy from their father. Hargreeves was willing to excuse much in the name of saving the world, but he never tolerated disrespect.  
“Are you sure involving The Rumor in this is necessary?” The unexpected occupant of her father's office did not seem entirely comfortable there. Inspector Lupo, with his well-worn trench coat and his ill-fitting dentures looked like he'd prefer being in some dirty alley standing over a corpse. Since he was here instead, Alison thought, he must be involved with whatever had gotten Klaus into trouble. That didn't narrow it down much.  
“When you called me, you said that The Séance not being charged was contingent on my taking care of the problem. She is the most direct means of doing so.” Her father gestured for Alison to move to his side of the desk. “Has that changed?”  
“Well, no,” the inspector said.  
“Then please explain the problem precisely to The Rumor so she can correct it.” Inspector Lupo blanched.  
“It's not exactly appropriate,” he began. A half-stifled snort came from Klaus' chair. Inspector Lupo frowned and spoke carefully. “We need your brother to be … normal.”  
That was not precise. Allison shifted her gaze between Inspector Lupo and her Father. “You want me to get rid of his powers?” If that were the case, she could easily see why Klaus would ask her not to do it.  
“He means normal like not queer.” Klaus' voice was a little quieter than usual and strangely hollow. He carefully studied the tops of his shoes. “Can’t have a _fairy_ saving the world, what would people think?”  
“Oh.” Allison didn't see why Klaus would care about that, but at least the solution was easy. She fixed an idea in her mind and said, “I heard a rumor that you like girls.”  
Klaus lifted his gaze just enough to glare at her.  
“As I said, Inspector, The Rumor solved the problem efficiently.” Her father nodded his acknowledgment. Allison basked for slightly more than half a second before he dismissed with a gruff, “You may go.”

“I gotta be honest, I'm a little bit mad.” Klaus leaned against Allison's door jamb. He was frowning, but he didn't actually sound mad. His voice had recovered it's typical tone.  
“You're still doing my patrols for me.”  
“Oh, obviously.” He rolled his eyes. “Was that really the best you could come up with?”  
“What was wrong with it?” Their father and Inspector Lupo heard what they wanted to hear and Klaus wouldn't have to give up his sex life. She thought her solution was rather elegant. Klaus stepped into her room and closed the door. He sat down cross-legged in the air next to her bed.  
“I keep wondering what breasts feel like.” He whispered. Allison laughed. Klaus tried to sound serious, but he couldn't quite manage. “It's very distracting. Do you think that's why Kraken is always so angry?”  
“Diego's just angry.” It was part of their brother's personality.  
“Because Daddy will never love him and Vanya got sick of being his second choice.” Allison shrugged. Klaus would know. He was uncannily good at other people's emotions; he probably had ghost informants.  
“What happened, anyway?”  
“Oh, some lewd and lascivious behavior, a few crimes against nature.” Klaus waved a hand absently. “Only one thing that would have been illegal if you and your boyfriend did it.”  
“Boyfriend?” She tried to keep her tone light. Ghost spies. There was no other explanation.  
“Right, because you’re having me cover your patrols so you can hang out at the library.”  
“I could be.” She would need an excuse to give to Luthor; the library seemed like a good one. “Maybe I want to research crime fighting techniques.”  
“And some day I’ll meet the right girl…. Oh, I guess that can happen now. Weird.” Klaus made a weird face. “Don’t tell anyone.”  
“And you won’t say anything about my boyfriend?” Klaus nodded. “Deal.”

**Author's Note:**

> So, I seem to recall reading that comics Klaus is canonically bisexual, but from the way he talks I get the impression that he wants people to think of him as gay. Obviously there are many possible reasons for this but this is the one that nagged at me until I wrote it.


End file.
